dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
