Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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