Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
