Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we're so committed to being not committed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
