with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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