Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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