last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
