If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
