wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
