dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
