if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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