so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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