So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
