i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
