i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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