Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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