Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
