so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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