That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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