It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
