beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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