every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
