I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
