If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Someone shit on the floor
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
