Me too!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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