i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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