I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
