We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
