Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
