I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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