I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
