He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
