This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I've blown a few things in my day
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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