I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
