So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
