just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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