Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
