Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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