He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
