My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
