if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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