Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
