Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
