I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
