On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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