you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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