You just made me feel so damn special
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
