Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
