Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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