I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
