Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
