he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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