What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
