You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
